I used to hate traffic. All that
obnoxious horn blowing, fist shaking, name calling and fender bumping. Then one
morning, while fuming in a frozen pack of steel, it hit me: it’s a waste of
time to hate traffic in Bucharest. You might as well move to an Arabic country
and hate polygamists. Traffic in Bucharest is, literally, not going anywhere.
Moving out isn’t an option, though.
There’s too much great stuff here: the idyllic climate, the tomatoes that taste
like actual tomatoes, the cheap pretzels at every corner. So I recommend you do
as I did: learn to make the best out of traffic. It’s quite easy. First, stop
believing the traffic myth – that people hate traffic because it keeps them
from getting places quickly.
I assure you, this is not the reason
people hate traffic. Consider: when is traffic at its worst? At morning rush
hour. And where is morning rush hour taking you? To work. Now, can you honestly
tell me that you hate traffic because it keeps you from that pile of papers on
your desk? Of course not. Why, for this reason alone, traffic is your best
friend. Take this simple test: walk into work late one morning and tell your
boss, „Sorry, but I got completely absorbed watching the re-run of CSI New York
and lost all track of time.” Five-to-one says you get a pink slip. Now, at your
new job, try this: arrive an hour behind schedule and say simply, „Sorry I’m
late. Traffic.” Not only will your boss accept this excuse without a blink, I
bet you’ll even get a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.
The real reason people hate traffic is
this: it’s a race. It’s not the 10 mph crawl that sends your blood pressure
soaring. It’s the sight of that little blue Honda slipping past you into the
distance. „I knew late two was the hot lane today!” you mumble. „I should have
cut off that busload of kids when I had the chance!” Morning gridlock is
nothing more than the grown-up version of Chutes and Ladders. And being the
eternally competitive Bucharestians that we are, it drives us absolutely postal
to think that someone might be maneuvering their two-ton game piece better that
we are. Conversely, who among us doesn’t feel a sweet surge of satisfaction
when that annoying Audi running alongside gets stuck as our lane sails ahead?
Once you accept that traffic is a game,
it’s easier to stop worrying about how to win. Then you can concentrate on
wringing the most from your unavoidable traffic hours. Here are a few time
killers that might work:
·
Reading
between the lines. Try books on tape. It’s
a great way to catch up on Tolstoy, Melville – all the classics. Choosing the
right audio book is vitally important. Henry Miller’s Tropic of Cancer might
seem like an okay idea for the first few miles or so, but there’s always the
risk of growing so engulfed in the story that you smack into the bumper of the
car ahead. Also, don’t choose a book that is really interesting or with major
hook-potential. You might end up parked somewhere, with side one over and all
the traffic gone.
·
Tote
cuisine. Eating in the car is underrated. I’m
not talking about wolfing down an Egg McMuffin while balancing an orange juice
and a double soy latte on your knees. With Bucharest’s glacial traffic, there’s
plenty of time to enjoy a four-star dining experience behind the wheel. If you find
yourself on your way back to the office from a noontime appointment, don’t let
your stomach churn at being stuck in such gridlock. Enjoy your well-deserved
five-course lunch. Commence with a lovely consommé, taking care not to let the
bowl tip. Move on to the salad, which will be so savory you won’t even mind
when an overzealous stab of the brakes sends a chunk of goat cheese tumbling
down the air vent. Then comes the garlic and rosemary chicken, which will be a
tad difficult to slice, but overall just delicious. All this time, you’ll
hardly even notice the traffic. In fact, after a leisurely dessert and coffee,
you’ll almost find yourself irritated when things begin to speed up. You’ll be
at the office in no time, ready to take a nap.
·
Wait
lifting. Your car is a great place to work out.
If you don’t believe me, go to the beach sometime and notice all the people
with „clutch calf” – a highly enlarged left leg muscle that develops from years
of using a manual transmission in Bucharest. A good hour of gridlock can be
nearly as healthful as a personal-training session at the gym. You can practice
deep breathing exercises. Bring along some hand weights and tilt your
power-reclining seat, and you can perform a full bench-press routine (if you
have a sunroof, you can even do squats). And the cockpit of an automobile is
perhaps the only place where one can use a ThighMaster without fear of being
seen. (Bonus: In case of a serious accident, a ThighMaster doubles as a highly
effective Jaws of Life.)
·
Tranquility
base. Finally, try this: Turn off the radio.
Unplug the cell phone. Roll up the windows and click on the air-conditioning.
Hear that? It’s the sound of yourself thinking – something we who live in this
perpetually frenetic city don’t get to hear often enough.
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